Over the weekend I stopped into Rasputin Music in downtown San Francisco to do some record shopping. I came across a copy of Led Zeppelin IV, one of my all-time favorite records that for some reason I did not own on vinyl. I must have listened to this album over a million times in my life and seriously never get tired of it.

So I put it on last night, cranked it up and started to browse the web as I always do. I ended up reading reviews for this classic album and stumbled upon Amazon. There are over 1000 reviews of Zeppelin’s masterpiece. Most are the well-deserved glowing 5 star reviews, but wait, there were 73 one star reviews? Are there people out there who don’t like this record enough to give it more than a one star review?

There are indeed, and I was so blown away that I read all 73 of them, pulling together the best ones. They read like a comedy routine of sorts, but I swear to you that these are all real quotes from the actual reviews; bad grammar, bad punctuation, and generally bad taste.  With that being said, enjoy a real life Spinal Tap roast of one of the biggest selling records in history. (Best enjoyed when read with an authentic Nigel Tufnel accent.)

“Yes I know some people gave this album five stars but I’ve seen some five star reviews for the movie Howard The Duck here.”

“This mostly ridiculous and overblown record marks the end of Led Zeppelin’s usefulness.” 

“I cannot believe people saying that Led Zeppelin, and in particular this album, are “rock n roll”. That’s just not true-Led Zepplelin are really primarily a pop group. If you like Led Zeppelin you’ll like N Sync or Back Street Boys.”

“Please, for the love of God, someone cut out Robert Plant’s vocal chords.”

“How ironic that one of the all time greatest rock album’s of all time should go untitled. “

“This frothy prattle is for jerkwads who pepper everyday conversations with Pippi Longstocking and J.R.R. Tolkien references. Jimmy Page’s approach to the guitar is akin to a suburban dad trying to crank up a flooded weedwacker.”

“What truly amazes me is that you pot smokin’ gearheads actually have the money to buy cd’s not to mention computers.”

“Imagine a 30 year obsession with the Teenage Mutanat Ninja Turtles, multiply it by 10 and you’ve got the annoyance factor of Led Zeppelin.”

“BUY SOMETHING FROM DIRE STRAITS, FOREIGNER, OR GUNS N’ ROSES. THIS IS TRASH!!!!!”

“Even Appetite for  Destruction by Guns N’ Roses is better than this. Go get that. That rocks, this sucks!! Throw is in your trash can immediately.”

And a bonus review: (by the way, the spelling errors and bad grammar are all tell-tale signs of the level of intelligence we are dealing with here.)

“For truly inspiring music just listen to Korn, Slipknot, Atreyu, Avenged Sevenfold, or any emo/hardcore or nu metal band out there… MTV is the place for good music.”

Which review is your favorite? Please chime in with a comment below. Thanks for reading!